Positive Parenting

Introduction:

Children are a gift from God, a heritage from the Lord.  Ps 127:3-5

Parents have an awesome responsibility to bring them up in the “training and admonition of the Lord.”  Prov 22:6

We looked at the “Ages and Stages of Child Development” – Baby; Toddler; Pre-Schooler; School age; Teenager

Our overall goal: that our children may be growing in love for God and for others as they grow in submission to the lordship of Christ.

• Seek to bring your children to genuine conversion to Christ
• Help your children grow in godliness
• Help your children cultivate godly relationships
• Train your children in life’s responsibilities
• Train them to be law abiding
What do I want my children to believe – God, Man, World

Parent as a coach

Choices and Consequences – Punishment vs Discipline

• The principle of choices and consequences should be taught to the children early in life.
• Punishment – This is the negative consequences that follows when someone break a rule. That rule might originate from parents, God, nature, life in general or personal ethics.  Breaking the rule brings punishment and that should help point out the error for the individual.
• Punishment has it place as children, even when they don’t understand the “whys”, are deterred from repeating offences because of punishment.
• Punishment alone is not enough to lead a child to become a responsible adult. Children grow in their reasoning and at a point they demand to know the “whys” and the “becauses” and at this point they need more than punishments. They need guidance, information, explanation, etc. They need discipline.
• Punishment addresses an action but discipline addresses a lifestyle. This should be the big picture in parenting
• Discipline takes a lot more time than punishment. It is about moulding.

The “3 Fs” of Effective Discipline

Proverbs 22:15 says, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him.”

Discipline should be:

• Firm: Consequences should be clearly stated and then adhered to when the inappropriate behavior occurs. It doesn’t have to be a rod
• Fair: The punishment should fit the crime. Also in the case of recurring behavior, consequences should be stated in advance so the child knows what to expect. Using a simple Time Out can be effective when it is used consistently every time the behavior occurs. Also, use of reward for a period of time like part of a day or a whole day when no Time Outs or maybe only one Time Out is received.
• Friendly: Use a friendly but firm communication style when letting a child know they have behaved inappropriately and let them know they will receive the “agreed upon” consequence. Encourage them to try to remember what they should do instead to avoid future consequences. Work at “catching them being good” and praise them for appropriate behavior

Reward good behavior

When ever possible, try to use reward and praise to motivate your child to improve their behavior. Let them grow up with this:

• Combine reward with time out for serious disruptive or defiant behaviors. Say, “Every time you ____, you will have a ____ time out. If you can go the whole (day, afternoon, etc.) without getting a time-out, you will earn ____..
• Tasks to encourage little ones to embrace: Making Bed; Picking up bedroom; Brushing teeth; Setting the table; Ready for bed on time; Going to bed on time; Doing things first time asked; Saying “please”, “I am sorry” and “thank you”
• Things to discourage little ones from doing: Throwing things; Tantrums; Arguing; Interrupting; Running in the house; Rudeness; fighting

Parenting Tips

Raising children while maintaining a healthy life balance require skill, commitment and prayers. Here are some tips:

• Identify your child’s strengths. You can use them to build your child’s self-esteem, helping to provide the confidence he or she needs to tackle whatever seems difficult. Children will be more willing to listen and understand how to correct adverse behaviors if their dignity is intact.
• Studies have shown that punishing a child is not as effective as using praise and rewards. Rather than focusing on weaknesses, find ways to assist your child in developing to his or her full potential. When encouraged, children will acquire talents to compensate for any deficiencies
• Avoid negative emotional reactions, such as anger, sarcasm, and ridicule. If your child has problems with control, negativity will only make him or her feel worse. Use short and mild suggestions to remind your child to focus, like “P.A.” for “pay attention.” Many parents punish their children as a revenge for bad behavior. This should not be.
• Don’t compare siblings. If a child thinks his or her brother or sister is favored, it can create a rivalry that may last the rest of their lives and cause problems in your family. Make sure your kids know that they are loved equally.
• Get support if you need it. Life with children is a roller coaster ride. Understanding that there will be negative aspects to child-rearing and getting some professional advice when necessary will help you maintain your sanity and enjoy the experience.
• Children need positive attention. If they do not receive positive attention from family, they may choose to seek out negative attention. This is because negative attention is still attention, and any attention is better than being ignored. Remember to communicate with your child. Love and care are the greatest healers.
• Monitor your child’s use of the internet. The stuff kids can access in cyberspace can be dangerous. Get a program that will let you see the web sites they visit and monitor their chats
• Accept that life changes when you have a child. Lazy Saturday mornings in bed are replaced by soccer games and recitals. Remember, you still need to make time for each other–date nights and weekend getaways are important for your relationship.
• Parent by example. Think of your kids as little bipedal copy machines who will mimic everything you do. If you behave badly, you are giving them permission to act in the same ways. Check in with yourself, and don’t lose it in front of the children.
• Don’t ever give up on your child. Never! All of your child’s problems can be worked through with humor, goodwill, perseverance and prayers. With proper parental support, even the most troublesome teens can become amazing people.
• LET YOUR CHILD KNOW WHAT IS PRIORITY FOR YOU AND FOR THEM (FAITH /ETERNITY, PRAYERS, SUBMISSION TO AUTHORITY, ETC)

Conclusion:

The mystery of what your children will be and how you can affect that outcome is what parenting is all about (Like arrows in the hand of a warrior Ps 127:4).

Give all you can, keep your cool, and stay in the game. The results and your own joy will surprise and reward you and this is God plan for changing the world – Christian parents raising godly children!

As parents, raising up godly children should be a big part of our lives. Check around, there are surplus of every profession but there are shortages of Christians in every society. This is a failure of the home and the church. That needs to change as the world is becoming harsher.

Raising up Christian children does not guarantee they will remain Christians. Play your part and leave the rest to God.  Pray for your children as long as you have breath in you no matter their age. They need it.