Parenting with a goal
Introduction
Children are a gift from God, a heritage from the Lord.
Psalm 127 – “Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the Lord guards the city, The watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, To sit up late, To eat the bread of sorrows; For so He gives His beloved sleep. Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.”
Parents have an awesome responsibility to bring them up in the “training and admonition of the Lord.”
Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it”
Ephesians 6:4 “And you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”
Ages & Stages of Child Development
From infants to young adults, children go through distinct changes. Ages and Stages is a term used to outline significant periods in the human development timeline. During each stage, growth and development occur in the primary developmental domains, including physical, intellectual, language and social-emotional. Our goal as parents is to understand what is taking place in the child’s brain and body during each period, and provide the necessary support, encouragement, structure, and interventions to enable a child to progress through each stage as smoothly and successfully as possible based on each child’s unique set of traits and interests,
- Baby (Birth – 2 Years Old) – Infant Development
- Toddler Development (18 Months – 3 Years)
- Preschooler Development (3 – 6 Years Old)
- School-Age Children Development (6 – 12 Years Old)
- Teenagers – Adolescent Development (13 – 18 Years Old)
Overall development goal
Our overall goal: that our children may be growing in love for God and for others as they grow in submission to the lordship of Christ.
Seek to bring your children to genuine conversion to Christ. Have the big picture at the back of your mind and look for signs of conversion in your child: a hunger for God, a sensitive conscience toward sin, etc. This is the greatest commandment – Love God will all your heart
Help your children grow in godliness. Part of growing in godliness is developing godly character qualities (moral values, the fruit of the Spirit, how to deal with trials with the right attitude of joy and thanksgiving, about having a servant-attitude instead of a selfish outlook. Attitudes are important, not just outward behavior, since God is concerned about our attitudes from the heart.
Help your children cultivate godly relationships. Practicing the second great commandment, loving our neighbor as ourselves, begins in the home. They have to love themselves first
Train your children in life’s responsibilities. Kids need certain skills to be able to function as adults. These include domestic duties (cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, basic sewing, and shopping); proper hygiene and care of the body through nutrition, rest, exercise, etc; driving and basic car maintenance (changing tire, checking oil, etc); be good stewards of their resources (money <spending, giving, and budgeting, operating accounts, investing, and the dangers of debt and greed>, time and talent); how to get a job and be good workers; biblical outlook on how to be resourceful and live simply; how to balance work and leisure time and seek ministry opportunities
Train them to be law abiding and consequences of breaking law
What do I want my children to believe?
About the Nature of God
Eternal “Inhabits eternity.” (Isaiah 57:15) “For thus says the High and Lofty One Who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: I dwell in the high and holy place, With him who has a contrite and humble spirit, To revive the spirit of the humble, And to revive the hearts of the contrite ones.” God is the high and lofty One.
Faithful (Deuteronomy 7:9) “Therefore know that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and mercy for a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments,” God is worthy of their trust. We can lean on Him in the world where so many cannot be trusted.
God loves them and wants them to be saved. (I Timothy 2:4) “who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.”
Believe God knows what is best for them and has given them instructions on how to enjoy the greatest blessings here and in eternal life in heaven.
John 10:10 “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”
Believe God will providentially care for them all their lives.
Matthew 6:33 “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”
Christianity is about obedience of the doctrines of Christ.
Matthew 28:18-20 18 And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. 19 Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: 20 Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you:
About the Nature of Man (What my children believe about man is what they believe about themselves)
Man is created in the image of God.
(Genesis 1:26-27) “Then God said, ‘Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.’ So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”
This will cause our children to have respect for people and a sense of worth about themselves
They have an immortal soul and will live somewhere forever!
Ecclesiastes 12:7 “Then the dust will return to the earth as it was, And the spirit will return to God who gave it.”
They are accountable to God. . . . “each of us must give account of himself to God.”
Romans 14:12 “So then each of us shall give account of himself to God.”
Ecclesiastes 11:9 “Rejoice, O young man, in your youth, And let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth; Walk in the ways of your heart, And in the sight of your eyes; But know that for all these God will bring you into judgment.”
Ecclesiastes 12:1a. “Remember now your Creator in the days of your youth,”
About the World
God created this world and keeps it going by His power
Jeremiah 10:12 “He has made the earth by His power, He has established the world by His wisdom, And has stretched out the heavens at His discretion.”
Hate all the evil and wickedness in this world and realize this world will one day pass away.
II Peter 3:7 “But the heavens and the earth which are now preserved by the same word, are reserved for fire until the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men.” Teach them not to lay up earthly treasures.
Christ died for all people in the world and they need to do all they can to lead others to Christ.
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”
The Parent As Teacher/Coach
See your role as that of a teacher or coach to your children. Demonstrate in detail how you would like them to behave. Have them practice the behavior. Give them encouragement along with constructive criticism:
Try to set aside time on a regular basis to do something fun with your children
Rather than tell them what not to do, teach and show them what they should do
Use descriptive praise when they do something well. Say, “I like how you ____ when you ____.” Be specific.
Help your child learn to express how he feels. Say: “You seem frustrated.” “How are you feeling?” “Are you up set?” “You look like you are angry about that.” “It’s O.K. to feel that way
Try to see a situation the way your children do. Listen carefully to them. Try to form a mental picture of how it would look to them
Use a soft, confident tone of voice to redirect them when they are upset.
Be a good listener: Use good eye contact. Physically get down to the level of smaller children. Don’t interrupt. Ask open ended questions rather than questions that can be answered with a yes or no. Repeat back to them what you heard.
Make sure they understand directions. Have them repeat them back
When possible give them choices of when and how to comply with a request
Look for gradual changes in behavior. Don’t expect too much. Praise behavior that is coming closer to the desired goal.
Develop a nonverbal sign (gesture) that your children will accept as a signal that they are being inappropriate and need to change their behavior. This helps them to respond to your prompt without getting upset.
Conclusion
Moses, before the nation of Israel entered the Promised Land, exhorted parents as follows:
Deuteronomy 6:4-9 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” This is still very applicable today!
As parents, raising up godly children should be a big part of our lives. Check around, there are surplus of every profession but there are shortages of Christians in every society. This is a failure of the home and the church. That needs to change as the world is becoming harsher.
Raising up Christian children does not guarantee they will remain Christians. Play your part and leave the rest to God. Pray for your children as long as you have breath in you no matter their age. They need it.